Cleaning 101 for boyfriends

I'm now sharing an apartment with three other people, two of whom make up a lovely francophone couple. It's actually turning out to be an enlightening experience, as I'm normally one of the people making up the 'apartment couple' - and it's especially comforting to see that some things are reassuringly universal.... like cleaning disputes.

I just happened to be in the kitchen with francomale, who had been home all morning and had apparently been asked to do the dishes. Francofemale arrives home and before I can close the fridge door and slink away she's looking dejectedly into the sink at one sad sticky plate and fork and it's "pourquoi tu l'a pas fini...et pourquoi suis-je obligé de vérifier?? Je suis pas ta maman!". Not a happy camper. Bf has familiar look (seen it many times) of confused resignation mixed with the tiniest bit of weary irritation.

Knee-jerk reaction: I felt for the guy (not literally- I like my new place). He had done the dishes - mostly. The rack was now full and there wasn't really any place for that plate, and it's not really that big a deal, is it? One plate and a fork??

BUUZZZZZZ - wrong answer. And I'm going to try to explain this without sounding like a nagging girlfriend/mother, for all you guys who still don't get it.

The thing is, I could see why the gf was upset. I've been there. She had been working all morning, he was home doing very little. She does a lot of the housework - he just had to do the dishes - not like 80% of them. Guys - and I really don't mean to be sexist here but I'm just going on experience - there are three ways you can do the dishes: half-heartedly, as in most of them (2 hours of grumpy girlfriend); alright, as in they're washed and on the rack (everyone's happy but no special treatment); or 'superguy' where they're done quickly and without complaint, the surface around the sink is wiped, and things are then put away when dry (rest of your evening has just taken a turn waaaay up).

It's not about the dishes.

I know, I know, that kind of statement never makes any sense (see also: "it's not about the gift" and "it's not about what your mom said about me"). Us girls use it because you're not suppose to ask what it means out of FEAR. But seriously - it's about you showing that you're willing to pull your weight, even if it's with stuff you don't particularly want to do (you think she loves doing dishes?). It's about showing that you're cool and competent and can take care of the little things without her having to ask, and it's about being a man, sucking it up, and doing it because you know it will make her happy, AND IT TAKES ABOUT 11 MINUTES OF YOUR TIME.

(NB: All of these reasons should explain why it's not the same to offer to pay someone else to do it. How about she pays someone else to bring you breakfast in bed or buy your birthday present?)

There was a page in a women's magazine I read years ago which asked "What's the most romantic thing he's ever done for you" and most of the ladies wrote in not with stories of flowers or chocolates, but with answers like "I got back from a weekend trip and he had cleared out that kitchen drawer that's been collecting crap for years", or "I came home from work one Friday evening and he had taken care of the laundry so we could relax on Saturday". I kid you not - I would rather a surprise sparkling bathroom than a bouquet of roses.

Go figure. We got the nicer looking bodies but the stranger headspace.

Trust me, this is probably the stuff she does every day, you just don't notice (well, if you're going out with me, you do. Because I'm a pain in the ass and I make sure to mention it, just in case you get divine inspiration or the playstation breaks some day)

Happy helping!