St. Patrick - The Global Cash Cow

Those of you who are especially sensitive or big fans of St. Patrick's day may not want to read any further. This post contains disturbing truths about tomorrow's worldwide piss-up. Because in actual fact, St. Patrick was a Brit.

Yup, born in Britain to a wealthy aristocratic family no less. He was kidnapped and forced to come to Ireland, but escaped back to the U.K as soon as he could. I doubt he even would have come back if the VOG (voice of God) hadn't insisted. (You can imagine the despondent sigh, after seven years tending sheep on the freezing Irish hillsides and having just come home..."oh, okaaaaay")

Am I a St. Paddy's day scrooge? Maybe. (Being the only sober person in the world on March 17th doesn't help). But you would be a little annoyed too if the world used your patron saint as an excuse to get boozed up and have a great day without having a clue about the man or the reason they're celebrating. And there is a lot of cashing-in, Hallmark style. I saw more than one American newspaper talk about 'the run up to St. Patty's day'. What? Who the hell is Patty - Paddy's sister?!

A popular U.S food magazine featured some 'Irish recipies' this week to get us in the mood. These three were my favourites:

Creamed Rice [This gluey excuse for a dessert was slopped onto plates at boarding schools in the 1950s, and thus no Irish person in their right mind would ever eat this stuff voluntarily. (Say 'frogspawn' to most grown Irish men and they'll know what you're talking about). And also; can anyone tell me what the Irish connection is with rice?]
Boxty [Yes, it may have existed in Ireland a hundred years ago but the only place I have ever eaten boxty in my lifetime is in 'authentic' Irish bars abroad]
Guinness Float [Guinness. Ice-cream. Whipped Cream. Are these people on crack???]

So that's my two cents. Ah, I hope everyone has a good time tomorrow. Just remember, there never were any snakes in Ireland (the frigid Atlantic meant none of them wanted to swim over). And lets hope that of the 13 million pints of Guinness usually drunk on this special day, none of them suffer the indignation of having a scoop of vanilla on top.